if you do what you've always done you'll get what you've always gotten

trying a different approach...

boys. man its been a struggle to maintain optimism in a world of heartache and brokenness. God is good and has a plan of redemption for each person He crafted. I shouldn't be shocked when a student has the same last name as his/her parent and sibling(s). I fail. I have treated myself with little respect in the same moment i speak of a hope to be treated better by another person. hard work ahead... discipline, for the hope of something more.

I tried something different and whether a date comes from it or just one day of practicing more respect for myself I think I'll tack it up as a small victory. AND I'm starting a book club with some girl friends. It's easy for conversations with girlfriends to simply settle on the topic of the opposite sex so I'm initiating a book club to encourage each other in other ways - learn new perspectives about each other, read something interesting and nurture more aspects of women than our marryability (just made that up).

Trying new things... with relationships in general.

A wise woman (wendy s.) once told me that there are three things in life - things you can change, things you can influence and things you can do nothing about. Most of our emotional energy is spent on the things we can do nothing about.

I am working on not absorbing. Play tennis v. basketball. Redemption of self rather than my attempt to save the world (i realize God doesn't need my direction as much as I think sometimes). I think this is more useful as well.

Trying something different... with my friend Jesus.

I looked back through pictures during my most "centered" time I can pinpoint. I was doing the pre-major-break-up-life-questioning thing, senior in college, heart aching in a way that God was my life source and therefore pray without ceasing was realistic. My mentor was also my yoga instructor and her husband my boss and they, together, led me through critical moments marked by confidence in Jesus' redemption and providence.

today. i am practicing turning the music/radio off on my way to work and talk to God. I'm working on conversation. I'm going to church. I'm faced with my own inadequacy to conquer current struggles. Again, this is where faith is necessary and I am reaching, reaching and making myself reach for fear of what might come about if I continue to depend on my own strength. I called a few good girl friends and cried, prayed and felt relief for the first time in a while. God is good. He is in the work of redemption... of my heart, lives, and this beautiful place.

you need to watch me

One of our teachers is out so i'm subbing first grade today. One of the little girls, as she's walking into the room, says "Ms. Miller, you need to watch me real close because I might need to go home again today. I've been sick." Thank you for letting me know.

Last night Meg G. and I cleaned out the last of our apartment. I jokingly said it was the end of an era... but it's been a significant year in that little apartment. I went to bed too late after hanging out with my 4 roommates in our big house, laughing at each other (micah sneezed with such enthusiasm I thought he had chopped a finger off. Sarah was beaming with energy none of us knew what to do with. Brandon was stoked on his new baby... a big TV we initiated by watching The Hangover. And, Meg K laughed as Micah freaked and I dished about time with an interesting boy.)

I like the start of year 2. You need to watch me real close because I might... do great things... ask questions without answers... laugh till my cheeks hurt... celebrate friends... cook something delicious... cry over something I'll laugh at later...

I'll watch you real close because you might ____________?