if you do what you've always done ...

Included in a note to a friend of mine about my new job:

"I'm on the cusp Cody... that point where you see your potential and you wrestle with pushing to reach it or sitting back comfortably knowing you're the only one who realizes what you're capable of. At least that's what goes through my mind in my 4th day of work at this new place.
I need to get my name out there. I know we replay this conversation a lot, but until I start consistently living it out I will wrestle in my mind."

When I asked my boss for my next project he replied with, "You need to get your name out there, Leah! Write an article or something to get people familiar with your work and your thoughts." I do have good thoughts but if I do what I've always done I will get the results I've always gotten. This translates to me not pushing myself as much as I can and then complaining that I'm not being more utilized. Most, if not all, of the argument depends on me. And like I said, I may replay this conversation a lot, but until I start consistently living it out I will wrestle in my mind. I want greatness, not money or fame kind of greatness, but the feeling when you're in the zone, really tapping into your strengths. My job in several organizations has been to help managers tap into their people like this, but now I need to mirror it with my own life. There... now here's to blogging about it so you can keep me accountable.

3pm dance parties

I worked three days at my new job this week. I have an office with a computer, thumb tacks, sticky notes and a break room with seemingly good options for tea and/or juice. The first day I mainly soaked up information - reviewed projects, read documents and tried to familiarize myself with the way they do business. Since leaving the Soderquist Center I have intentionally avoided office jobs. Monday I remembered a few things I miss from my SCLE office days.

One highlight for me was my SodaFellow crew + interns or staff under the age of 30 (aka Heather, Dromi, Flora, etc.). We would have brainstorming sessions in the kitchen, take breaks to discuss the pressing issues of our lives and my favorite - the 3pm dance parties. Around 3pm you get that itch, the "Can I really last two more hours? Why did I eat Mexican food for lunch because I'm about to fall asleep while all my body attempts to process the lard?" These thoughts necessitate movement. Depending on the season or mood of the 3pm partygoers, we were bustin out Gnarls Barkley's Crazy, Kanye or some Justin Timberlake jam. Either way, around 3:15 we were awake, energized and ready to tackle the next couple hours.

I'm not sure if this company will really be down with the 3pm dance party but I sure do miss my SCLE office crew. I'm not an office-job girl but they made it worth it.

From friends

My first year SodaFellow crew

From scle team meeting

Second year

squash... or was it cricket? or maybe lacrosse

I woke up this morning, fresh from a dream about my new squash team... or cricket, or lacrosse. Since I have no idea how to play squash and cricket bores me to tears, I think it was lacrosse. I actually really want to learn to play lacrosse. Am I too old for that? Maybe I'll start out with a kit from wal-mart and see how it goes from there. Also, a vital part of this dream were my teammates - really humorous actually - megan lamb, childhood bff; Elena Schrader, childhood friend's big brother's wife; Abby Schrader, childhood friend's wife. I think we'd make a great lacrosse team!

new job!

Today I start a new job! I have been on the job hunt since I returned from London in March. Applying for jobs in Denver while living in NM didn't work so I made the move in September with hopes of proximity solving the problem. After two months of searching, applying, praying, crying and changing my theme song, I have gotten a job! Mind you, these past months I have been working - substitute teaching at a couple really great charter schools and nannying for a couple families. Though the charter school gig is an area of interest for me, these two weren't cutting it financially. I interviewed with a company a couple weeks before Thanksgiving for a position in curriculum development and as of Wednesday of last week I now have a job! In one hour I will start this new job... I'm really blessed to have found something in my area of interest and experience at this point in our economic status. I'm sure there will be tough moments and you might here about them sooner than later, but I'm hopeful... hopeful for purpose and an avenue to pour my energy toward.

Prayers for peace and thanksgiving today.

snow snow snow

It snowed in Denver while I was away. I was surprised at my excitement when I pulled onto Downing and saw the snow on cars, houses and Wash Park. Last winter in England was depressing without snow. I believe snow to be the reward for all the cold, the culmination of all this wintry chill. In England there was never any snow for me, just cold. It wasn't completely depressing because a few flowers bloomed to remind us of life still carrying on, but you get the drift.

power of a wet paper towel

I was subbing 2nd and 3rd graders as I noticed this wonderful little healer... the wet paper towel. After recess one of my girls discovered a cut (mind you a cut to her is more like a minor scrape which in actuality could simply be marker residue) on her hand so she goes to the sink and seriously wraps her palm with a wet paper towel. Another girl tripped on the carpet and got a rug-burn on her knee. What does she do? She retreats to the sink and gets it all doctored up with the wonder-cloth.

Denver reunion '08

The hometown crew came to town this past weekend. Initially it was just Sol and a couple of his friends but then came megan + andy, and then jesse + jen and the rest of Megan's friends from her stint in Denver. It was the most exhausting weekend so far in Denver, which is why the post is small but the pics are fun.

From Menver '08

Quasi-candid shot of the crew after whoopin up on the boys in a little arcade bball game.

From Menver '08

Marcus, Mike, Jesse, Sol. Nice poses.

From Menver '08

Two of my favorite ladies.

From Menver '08

The infamous "blah" in honor of Todd.

From Menver '08

Mike, Jesse and I makin some music at Red Rocks.

From Menver '08

The beginning of the Weekend at the Warehouse!

From Menver '08

Marcus and I enjoying the fine brews of the Great Divide Brewing Company.

From Menver '08

sol and jesse

From Menver '08

Jen asked if she could "play dress up and do my makeup" so here you go... and obviously michael was excited too.

Land of Enchantment

A couple weeks ago I made the trek home. My brothers were threatening to dispose of my belongings so I had to rescue them. I worked a wine dinner to make a little cash and see some friends and spent the rest of the break enjoying the mountains and eating some of my favorite food.

From run to the hills

From run to the hills

From run to the hills

From run to the hills

stars by your name

How encouraging this comment can be, "Well, we don't have anything yet, but I've put a star by your name."

It really is affirming though, when you finally meet someone in person and they are taken by your amazing talents and potential offering to their great company and they close with, "I'm putting a star by your name." One great charter school I sub with told me that and now I've had a few gigs there, which as you can see by my posts, I enjoy. Also, an incredible company that I would practically work for free with has just confirmed that their hiring "freeze" is not a "frost" as they had hoped and probably won't hire until January, but there is a star next to my name. Who knows, but stars are nice. For now, I will take the star and maybe do a medical study to pay the bills till January. I need a bad disease though or to be really depressed and willing to experiment with treatments...

Fiesta!

Inspired by a party Katie attended, Megan and I will be hosting a Chair/Wine party this Friday night as our housewarming gig. It's BYOC/W - we have a table and no chairs is the problem, really. Don't bring anything fancy or spend much on it, and if you don't have a spare chair then bring a fun beverage, and if you're not into beverages then just bring your fun self and we will be pleased! Please come if you're around and bring friends too! Directions are here.

tears

it was one of those days that tears come easily. I missed my dad a lot. I felt like staying in bed all day and really had to force myself to leave the house. My heart aches. I am tired in my heart. I keep hearing about relationships that seem to lose their luster. How do life-long friendships last and why is there such a difference in commitment between friendships and marriages? I'm holding on to hope for all these marriages out there but it's a dark place of hope with only a small lamp guiding the way. I want my friends and family to be full, not "getting by" or "making it work" with their partners. Where does our ambition go? The drive that tells someone "I'm not going anywhere?" Somewhere down the road we/he/she is gone and the indescribable fervor is taken as well. Ayzosh, take heart.

So I sat in our big chair, after peeling myself off for an hour or so to meet friends for dinner/drinks, watched a couple reruns and tuned in the depressing melody of Joshua Radin.

Broncos for Obama!

This weekend our dear Senator Obama visited Denver. Initially I found this out due to a Craigslist ad my friend Megan had sent me to make some money by selling "merchandise" at the rally. 6-8 hours promising $150-350 didn't sound like a bad deal. My friend Stavros, a couchsurfer from Boulder via Virginia and Portland, and I met the sales crew at 6:30am Sunday morning. Red-flag numero uno: Kidnapper van, sketchy McSketcherson Driver/leader. We hand over our id's (RF#2) so we don't run off with his merchandise, or as my conspiracy theorist friend thinks, so if we get busted by the cops we can't give them our id's. Enter why cops would be an option: Sketchwad doesn't have a permit, as I found out upon returning from my badass sale of all my t-shirts before the rest of the crew. While waiting for my next bag of goodies (yes, I began to sense the illegal nature of this gig pretty soon) one of the other sales guys angrily approaches Sketchwad (who is sitting in the front seat of the van, heat on, doors closed, while we freeze) and demands to see the permit so his friend doesn't get arrested. Sketch tries to stall and stall more and finally admits that he doesn't have the permit... in the car. The guys gets heated and I think he's gonna pull a gun on our fearless leader. In the meantime the rest of this posse is approaching and punching their fists together and yelling, "we're gonna take your f-ing merchandise if you don't give us our id's back" as he responds with "give me your money and I'll give you the id" and this goes on as you look beyond and note the man getting arrested, yes, arrested. ID is given back as the women of the posse take down the license plate for our kidnapper van, the salescrew throws all the boxes of buttons and "Broncos for Obama" shirts back into the van. We then disperse around the block like we've been selling drugs or something. Seriously, this was crazy, or "chaotic" as Sketch says when I go tell him I'm peacing out and want my money for the day. I take my $90 bucks and skeedaddle outta there. Not bad for a few hours of work and still getting to make it for the rally.

small wonders

As some of you know, I have been substitute teaching at a couple schools here in Denver. There have been a few moments that made dealing with 25-30 3rd grade boys bearable so I thought I'd share a few stories. Also, Jenae has been having a rough go and requested funny stories. Hope this helps.

First day with k-5 teaching Spanish as a second language:

Mr. Boobies
So the little 1st graders are squirming around and whispering while I'm discussing honey and telling a story about bees. I continue until Chris pesters me enough.
"Chris, is there something you want to tell the class?"
"Yes, Miss Miller. Josh is calling you mean names."
"Its ok, lets focus on the story."
"But Miss M, he's calling you Mr. BOOOOOBIES!"

I was born in "DEeeeNVER"
There are kids from all over the world in this class. One little girl has a name similar to a friend of mine from Brazil so I ask her where she's from.

"Africa."
"Oh, thats really neat. Where in Africa?"
"Ivory Coast"
"Wow, thats far away"

... or pretty or something and I ask her a couple more questions and told her how cool that was (seriously, that is awesome. Little Ivory Coast girl in Aurora.). The little girl sitting next to her is obviously envious of all the attention little ms. Africa is getting so she raises her hand like she's about to pee her pants and I respond,

"Yes, Olivia?"
"Ummmm, I was born in a uhhhh, big building (as she outlines the buildings with her hands) in uhhhh DENVER, do you know where that is? It was really cool too. My mommy held me in the hospital. First I was in her belly when we got there and then she heeeeld me!"
While trying to appreciate her genuine desire for attention, I hid my smile and told her, "Awesome! That is so special, huh? Wow, I love it when my mommy holds me."

6th Graders:
Can I ask you a few questions?
One girl, with a bizarre name and apparently some mad ski skills, asks,

"Leah, can I ask you a few questions that are unrelated to the Math we are working on?"
"Yes, thats fine Fredertha"
"Are you married?"
"No."
"Do you have a boyfriend?"
"No."
"Do you want one?"
"Ummm I'm okay with not having either right now." (My usual "I'm just looking for a job" response doesn't really cut it with 6th graders)
"Do you have a pet?"
"No."
"Ooooh, do you live in a house or an apartment?"
"Apartment."
Other kid interrupts with, "Seriously, Fredertha, why do you ask people such personal questions. That makes people uncomfortable."
"She didn't have to answer the questions, ok."

OK. I could go on. Pencils pretending to be "weewees" and little boys bawling their eyes out because someone tattles that he has a crush on me. I almost pulled my hair out several times and then those little guys do something great like have a Star Wars sound effects contest (which I'm pretty sure I won... thank you. thank you.). Good times with the kiddos.

unexpected generosity

I frequent a coffee shop, St. Marks, mainly to search for jobs and sip some chamomile tea. By frequent I mean I should help pay their rent. The other day a woman in front of me asked for a refill on her coffee and just before she walked away the barista mentioned that they charged for refills. The woman was obviously a bit shocked and apparently short of some moola. I told her I had it and she responded, "That is so kind of you, I'll have to pay it forward to someone soon!"

Yesterday I sent my friend katie a frantic email confessing my tendency to be so verbose in cover letters. HELP! She has been my 'job mentor.' I am not sure if she would claim that, but to me that is one of her many roles in my life. She emailed this morning and said she would help me out and didn't mind, "pay if forward, ya know?" she said.

On my way to an interview at what turned out to be one of the greatest educational environments, I stopped for gas. I ran my card, pushed "no/cancel" in response to the carwash question (how many people do those things? anyone?) and my card wouldn't authorize. I try again and same response. I run in to the cashier and I explain. This is where the road divides. He could scowl and suggest I didn't know how to work the machine, take my card and start the thing from the inside and go about his business. Instead, he went with me outside and tried it himself with the same response. He said he'd start it from inside with my card and even came out with the signature for me to sign instead of me running back in. Seriously! How nice is that? He said, "I help you, you help me sometime."

What good-natured people I've come in contact with.

glorious sun

I woke up yesterday morning, txted google and discovered that winter had not yet come to stay, but the next few days were set for sunshine. After applying for my umpteenth job this week I decided it was time for a treat. Dressed in tank top and shorts, I headed to the mountains. I needed the soothing sunshine, trees, water and mountains. Not that my list ends there but yesterday the conditions were perfect (tell me if you've heard that phrase before).

I looked up the disc golf course, played for an hour or so then headed to a trail in Eldorado Canyon State Park. The sun felt so nice. I hiked around for a bit, got my blood flowing then found a huge rock to camp on for a while. I hiked up my shorts and shirt (i was hidden from the main trail, don't worry - no nudity) and soaked in the rays. The fall sun seems richer than other seasons, promising toastiness the way it transforms the leaves.

After the rock I ran down the mountain to the water and wandered around for a bit. I soaked my feet in the river and looked for fun rocks before heading home.

me. excited about water, sun, trees and mountains in my day.

i like days like this. Guess what? This weekend is supposed to be even better!

In other news, I am applying for jobs like crazy still. I'm hopeful and have applied for several I could get really excited about.

keepin my pants on

Today I got to the coffee shop with that look... the "I came to the coffee shop in need of some coffee" kinda look (i think thats what you're supposed to look like). I went around to 5 or 6 restaurants in search of a job to pay some bills and tide me over before the greatness of a fulfilling job comes along. Though the sun was out I wasn't feeling the warmth as much as I'd like. So the nice coffee shop man, with a great contagious smile, said, "you need coffee." Do they all say that? I don't do coffee but I needed chocolate in a bad way. I've been eying the cheesecake brownies since I first came to this coffee shop a few weeks ago. He put one on a plate... then another and looked up with the smile, "we'll pretend like I broke one" and charged me for one. What a gem. I smiled. TWO brownies with that wonderful swirl of cheesecake will brighten anyone's day, I'm sure. As I sat down to respond to an email (with a link to a splendid colin hay song) I looked down at my very open pants. Lovely, my zipper's been down all day, through 4 hours of application/interview sessions. I did have more flare today so we'll see how that works out, katie.

Dear Jesús Cristo,
Thank you for reminding me to not take myself so seriously. A smile, a brownie and a fly down. Good stuff.

ps. I'd post a picture of the aforementioned brownies but they've been swiftly devoured.

it happened

Today is winter I think. yesterday was fall and today is winter. Yesterday there was no jacket. Today there was a scarf and hat involved in my dog-walking wardrobe. piss. I thought I was ready for it but really I like being warm and soaking up the sun. I DO like warm drinks though. AND rugby is a winter sport. There has to be more on the list of winter goodness.

It does beg for a different musical genre than late summer/early fall and thus, today my wintry morning playlist consisted of:

Teitur - you're the ocean
Ben Harper - forever
Weepies - gotta have you, not your year
James Taylor
Gomez - see the world
Joshua Radin - wills lullaby
José González - heartbeats
Ryan Adams - two and a few more

Depressing or cozy?

use whatcha momma gave ya!

From belly-dancin momma

My mom recently danced in our local parade, Aspenfest, with her belly-dancing class. She is beautiful, free and can move those hips better than most latinas I know. Work it momma!

will it be a tiny tim christmas?

Today it feels like winter... like snow is on its way, but maybe just a tease of snow and the brisk weather is really settling in.

I'm exhausted like a little mouse, running through the maze with cheese to be found at the end of several corridors. Cheese is good but does it matter what kind or how much? A little bit of fancy cheese is better than a huge chunk of cheddar, but not the mature cheddar. I could go on, but basically I am making some decisions about my professional future in a time that is less than ideal to be unemployed. I just called my grandmother, a woman I respect, but avoid in relation to the current economic crisis or that of Y2K. I am hopeful, maybe unrealistic, and she is recommending I read Ezekiel because we are most definitely facing a doomsday situation in the coming months. I know things will get bad and our generation has no grid for the environment of a depression or even crisis of this nature but is it really time to stock up on enough canned goods to last a few months? Am I naive and my grandmother is spot on? Either way I know I am one of thousands looking for work, wrestling with the question of "Take ANY job bc they're hard to come by or hold out for something fulfilling?"

I kicked myself several times for coming back from London and going right back into the restaurant business. It was easy. I love Aaron, my boss and bff, but he knows its not the career-launching job. When I coached the volleyball team this summer I was surprised at how much energy I had to devote. I want that opportunity, one that utilizes me. I need to set my sights higher, not to the "easy" move into a restaurant mgmt position. I need money so I may serve, cocktail or bartend (shhhh...don't tell grandmother... she's not a fan of alcohol) until this said job comes together, but out of respect for myself and my potential I have decided to hold out. This may be stupid if the world comes crashing down next week and I've held on to my unemployment for the sake of my ideals but we shall see.

bzzzzzzzzz

Sacred Grounds, the coffee shop my mother and I frequent back home, knows that my mom does not need caffeine. She orders "half-caf" coffees but I don't think they ever actually give her any regular coffee. She has enough of a natural high without anyone adding to it. Sometimes my friend Troy likes to play tricks on her and I want to kick him in the knees for it. I would see my mom after work around 10 at night and she was still talking 1000 mph and I would have to ask:
"mom, did you drink coffee today?"
"no, why do you ask, Leah" me,
"well mom, you're kinda buzzing around still."
"I went by Sacred and got some decaf but thats it."
I drop it and text Troy to thank him for the great joke that I have to deal with.

I am my mother's daughter though. I got green tea, which has more caffeine than you might imagine, this morning and let that caffiene flow through my veins before my phone interview, calling my sister, and chatting Kristina's ear off in London. I bzzzzed through each conversation like a druggie. Now I think I need to be locked in a detox cell. How long till this wears off?

accents

Are british voices more appealing than americans? I went to an interview this morning with a couple accent pieces - mustard sweater-vest* and fun dangly earings (i love the way danglies swoosh). According to katie it is necessary, in this quirky city, to have a little flare to set you apart. Upon return from the interview I curled up on the couch, put on The High Kings pandora radio station and took a nap.

Is anyone else a fan of the musical, Brigadoon? A friend of mine got me the record for my bday but I need to find a record player to enjoy these accents and 1950's gene kelly, what a dreamboat. Here's an old ad for your viewing pleasure.


* Shout out to Ktina and Primark, without this wonderful friend and this inexpensive store I would not have looked nearly as cool at my interview. Many thanks.

una semana

Its been one week since I landed in this great city and I am pleased, still hopeful and well-rested. I have gained a few friends, a roommate, a couple aches from running (not my ideal workout) and more laughter than I thought I'd see this week.

Highlights of week 1:

• International feast with Trevor and his homies. Greek wonders, curry, swedish stuff, incredible cheeses from those great countries with cows and although NM isn't another country, I chose Green Chile infused tequila as my offering (shout out to Monica Keyes).

• Living so close to Calley, Camille and Katie.
  

These girls are incredible. One word can't sum it up but I love them. Por ejemplo:

• Camille and I went to a concert the other night (the tuna burp night) and stayed up till 330 in the morning talking. She makes me realize that hope is not such a fight and it seems a lot lighter than the burdensome hope I have been pushing for.
• Calley and I sat in her car last night belting out the words and interpretive dance moves to Rusted Root's send me on my way.
  
• Katie will remind me of the camaraderie in job hunts and broke-living in a cool city. Also, she always serves as a smile when I'm down as I envision her curly-haired Nebraska self introducing Asian women to the world of breast exams and paps. Thank you Katie.
• Megan and I now have a great apartment with wooden floors, curved ceilings and a nice landlord in a sweet location (pictures to follow).
• Also a James concert in which I was more surrounded by men than I have been in a while. Sadly, these men of Menver are the ones that also like that its Menver, if you get my drift. Good music and nice to see so many men swayin' to the rhythm.
• Sarah Scott - beer and a nice walk-n-talk about life.
  

And tonight my dear bosom friend hannah kirkbride comes to visit and I am SO excited! She leaves for a far off land in a couple weeks so I'm stoked to spend some time with her. We get to celebrate Camille's birth tomorrow night with lots of friends.

chapstick and tuna burps

I melted one of my chapsticks to the point of no return. The other one oddly broke... sounds weird, but really the plastic tube broke. Moral of the story: After a good week or two without chapstick, while sick and therefore unable to borrow friends', I bought some at the store! Praise King Jesus for the intelligent mind that created this wonderful product. My lips are so much healthier.

Tuna Burps.

My friend Camille (on THE list of "why denver") took me to a great show last night with her amigos, Bodie and Whitney. As we were mingling at the bar, Bodie saw a friend from the music world he runs in and began the introductions. Laura (or something like that) shook my hand and leaned in... this is where it went awry. Was she leaning in to ask for clarification on my name, to kiss the cheek or just to lean in with the firm handshake? Either way, it was unexpected and I was mid-burp, yes, about to exhale the yummy tuna/goat cheese concoction I made for dinner, and happened to release right into her ear/face. Perfect introduction. I immediately turn to Camille and confess the awkward moment and hope the bar-stench overpowered my own.

Denver

My last night in NM was spent at jessie and matt's celebration with some great New Mexicans. We had green chile infused tequila (interesting) and a venue in the mountains with a patio amidst wildflowers, a live band we danced the hispanic "train" to and frito pies in a bag. It was delightful.

The wedding crew. The bride and groom in the middle.

and now on to Menver...

As of today I can proudly say that I will be living in Denver, at least I will pay for a month of rent and hope to find a job to pay for the rest. I arrived on Tuesday after a couple days in Colorado Springs with Trevor's crew, including an international feast night (freaking delicious food) and a tour of Manitou Springs.

Tuesday night:

1. Arrive at Calley's
2. Drop off luggage and waste time not showering until 20 min before I'm supposed to be ready.
3. 7:30 Corey (friend of friend) picks me up and we wander till we finally land at Park Tavern
4. Eat sandwiches while intermittently eying the chick with half a shirt and stomach tattoos, always interesting.
5. Meet Trevor, Mike, Calley and Megan for drinks at the Irish Snug
6. Somehow make it home without falling asleep in the car

Wednesday:

1. Meet Megan (new roommate thanks to Trer Darlin') for coffee and casa search.
2. Drive around to various options, including one house I think could be broken into via the floorboards.
   
3. Look for disc golf course and give up, eat lunch with Mike and Trev (delicious Chilli from Meg)
4. Look at what is now our new home - 9th and Pearl, sweet apartment I'm stoked about. Pics to come.
5. Check out more places
6. Go home to meet Calley before heading to meet up with the girls
7. Meet Katie and Camille for drinks at the Thin Man
   
8. Get encouraging words re: my current unemployment from my lovely lady-friends
9. Coffee-shop time at St. Marks while lusting after their artisan bread.
10. Bed-time till Trev decides to come over and borrow bread and my comp. for a few minutes

Thursday

1. Meet Patrick (future landlord) to discuss in detail why he should let meg and i rent his fine property.
   
2. Drive all over looking for a place to print my resume for the job fair Camille told us about
3. Go to job fair and have one significant conversation. One is better than none.
4. Fill out application and drop off with Patrick
5. Go home to prep for Snug Run, the only reason to run a 5k = free pasta and cheap beer afterward.
6. Run/power walk without the excuse of altitude since Ruidoso is 1000 ft higher in elevation. I'm just a pansy. ps my face stays beet red for at least an hour after any physical activity, which is great for the social circle following the run.
7. Change clothes and meet the crew at Pasquini's for $5 pitchers of sangria and free breadsticks. Are you getting the picture that the social world here is bustling? I need a job just to afford all of it.
   
8. I get tired and grumpy and go home to bed. aaagh, sleep.

Friday

1. Watch the season premiere of Grey's Anatomy! Lovely show.
   
2. Nervously await a call from Patrick saying he believes in us even though on paper we are jobless and pennyless.
3. Meet Kev, british soccer coach friend from the summer, for Vietnamese lunch. I don't think I've ever really done Vietnamese food. It was good.
4. Patrick called just as Kev and I were talking about the power of positive thinking. Yes, it works! Thank you Jesus, we got the apartment! woohooo!!
5. Oil Change turned fluid flushing expensive trip to meineke. Oh well, the nice guy gave me free windshield wipers. high five on that!
6. Came home and crashed. I'm tired. But first I walked Calley's dog and chatted with my big bro.
   
7. Looked for jobs with renewed hope after reflecting on Camille and Katie's words of encouragement.
   
8. Watched the debate and continued to dislike McCain. He's slimy and I don't trust his character.
9. Maybe go to bed soon after posting a way-too-detailed overview of my week. This one was more for me than anyone else I think. Big week. Love Denver. Excited about the potential. Thankful for good friends in a great city. Praise the Lord.
   

my mudbath bday

During my time in Santa Fe with my big sis Liz she took me for a day out to celebrate my bday since we didn't get to spend it together. We are fans of hot springs and she has long since raved about Ojo Caliente, this town up north with a great spa. I am not your typical "spa girl" but outdoor hot springs and a mud bath sounded great. AND when you're covered in mud it feels more like you're in a scuba suit which is comforting.

Thanks big sis!

the sibs

My family makes cute babies. I've spent the last week driving around northern NM with most of my life, minus a tupperware container or two, packed away in my car as I visit my brother and sisters and their cool kids.

My little sis, hannah, is attending NM Highlands in Las Vegas, NM. She has her little Ruby Sierra joining her in the not-so-sin-city of NM. There are wonderful hot springs within the town limits, a community of other single parent mothers in her apartment complex and a playground that Ruby is attached to.

From Tour de Fam 2008

My older sister, Liz, was trying to teach Ruby about her belly button last month, but somewhere in there Ruby got the "button" a little misplaced on the torso. I had her on my lap and she pokes at my boobs with her pointer fingers and says, "buttons," and then proceeded to push them up as she mustn't have thought they were accurately placed on my body. Gotta love those kids.

From Tour de Fam 2008

Arthur and Kristi are living in Rio Rancho with their little men, Benjamin (4) and Parker(5 months). I was in ABQ for a friends graduation and didn't make it over to see the fam till sunday afternoon, which was apparently a little late for Benjamin. He ph0ne-bombed my sister and I asking when "his animals" were coming over to play monster trucks? My sister's nicknames are Lizard (liz) and Hampster (Hannah) and mine is Renee Bird (followed by cacaaaw, cacaawww if you are lucky). So his animals had not arrived and he was ready to play. I ended up staying with them for a few days, hanging out with my brother on the disc golf course (he's been practicing in anticipation of my visit but I gave him a run for his money), playing monster trucks with ben, letting Parker spit up on me and telling Kristi stories of my summer and what veggies we dream of growing.

From Tour de Fam 2008

It happened one day that the cautious little man was ok with no training wheels. Now he is "wheelin poppies" all over the place.

From Tour de Fam 2008

Liz with Benjamin on the rare occasion he's not doing a totally crazy smerk and our little Parker, the old man in a baby body.

From Tour de Fam 2008

My 4yr old BFF

From Tour de Fam 2008

Arthur's Bday was on Tuesday and Kristi made some cupcakes - here is the happy fam:

From Tour de Fam 2008

From Tour de Fam 2008

on the move... not on the run

After realizing I am now an adult, I did one of those potentially foolish things... I decided to get some momentum by lifting off into the unknown. Yes, I packed up my car and headed North. I didn't/don't know where I shall end up by Thanksgiving or Christmas, but I needed to get my feet moving.

I have a phone interview with a company in Chicago on Wednesday. I applied for 2 jobs in NWA and a few dozen in the mile-high city. It may take all these people a few months to realize they've got a great worker on their application list so I think I'm going to wait it out in Denver. I am not sure where I shall stay or how long it will take to find temp work, but in the midst of all that I know I am capable and God is good. With that in mind I shall utilize all the wisdom myself and my confidantes can muster and hopefully make some sound decisions about the next season of life for this wanderer.

Why Denver:

1. Some of my favorite people in the world are in close proximity to this very great place... in no particular order: katie, camille, calley, scotty, trev, nik's fam, sophie, kev, bethany, etc.

2. There is more opportunity than Ruidoso - once I crack into it that is.

3. Short distance to Chugwater, Wyoming, home to one of the greatest families ever, the Kirkbride-Westermans

4. Denver International Airport. Those last two words are key. Of course, I'm on a traveling fast until I secure that financially freeing J-O-B.

5. Free things to do outside that are pretty and make me smile.

Please pray. As you can imagine, there are a few gaps in my plan (or lack of one).

And to those of you who live a very planned life:
I know this stresses you out, but don't worry, it only stresses me out when you tell me about the said stress;)

whirlwind of life

Since my last post -

I had a birthday! It was my 25th on the 25th and it was splendid! My mom and I went to pick raspberries in Arabela then adventured around Lincoln County for the afternoon.

From 25 on the 25th

We had Cafe Rio pizza for lunch - an essential in truly celebrating the goodness of life - white pizza with a starter of a garlic bulb, thanks to my dear friend Eric.

We then hustled to the community garden to gather goods for the evening feast and celebration. I picked squash blossoms to stuff with goat cheese, diced garlic and fresh basil while my mom found some veggies for salsa. A watermelon, can of pink lemonade and a few hours later we were all enjoying yummy punch (with a bit of rum) and our tasty treats.

From 25 on the 25th

It was a wonderful smattering of my favorite faces and a few missing, but I felt well-celebrated.

From 25 on the 25th

I even got a capgun from my friend Lindsay! How exciting is that?!

From 25 on the 25th

And the wonderful Peanut Butter Cake my mom makes for our birthdays! I can pass the recipe along if anyone is in love with peanut butter too.

adulthood

is this the face of an adult?

I have bills. Does that make me an adult? Is this the point people warned me about, that place in life that feels a bit restrictive to this wandering soul? I hope this is only a season in life. I have to work. I desire a deeper purpose in my career. I have a budget. I have a car payment. I have a budget. My finances require discipline and self-restraint. Yes, this is what they were talking about.

I'm looking for jobs in Denver right now. I like my hometown, but I feel as though I would have to work 4-5 jobs just to make ends meet and then my quality-of-life would be compromised. They wouldn't be bad jobs though:
- 7th grade vball coach.
- Teach a couple classes at the community college.
- Manage the restaurant.
- Sub at the high school.
- Work with the youth corps

I coached volleyball this summer and LOVED it. Really, I am considering the education field and hopefully coaching as well. What was I doing in college? Business? Seriously, why did that sound better than a Spanish degree, or Education with a TESL endorsement? Or a history degree? There is purpose in it all, I am sure of it, but I now encourage my college-bound employees to explore different majors, try to gain clarity on their strengths and areas of joy as they take classes and choose how to spend their summers. I've applied for several jobs within charter schools that don't require a teaching certificate, but I think I'm a bit late for this school year.

Now I am hoping to take a job in HR - training and development for the next season of life. This could be good for a few reasons -
1. I really enjoy this part of the business world.
2. It could get me established in Denver.
3. I could become more financially stable and therefore open some opportunities for the next go around, hopefully in a school.

I miss being involved in the education world. And coaching volleyball this summer reminded me of how much energy I can devote to a cause I care about.

positive thoughts

Well this summer has been interesting. Let's look at a little timeline:

March 3
Arrive from 6 months in London. Sad and cursing the American voices around me in the airport. Reverse culture shock is weird. It probably didn't help that I went from London to Arkansas. Next time I'll rethink the re-entry plan.

I stayed in Steph and James' house watching endless episodes of Law & Order until I finally made an appearance in Wal-Mart. I purchased my favorite beef jerky and ate the whole 16oz bag within a matter of hours (minus the parts I spilled on Stephs floorboard that didn't qualify for the 5second rule).

Slowly I made my way around to friends and family and finished the week with DP and AP's wedding. I stayed with Pam in KC, took the train back to NM to celebrate my niece's first bday in Pagosa with my sis' then back to the homeland, Ruidoso, NM.

April 11-19
Reconnect with my dear kindred Hannah K at her family's ranch in Wyoming. It was good for my soul and our friendship to see her roots. Front and back end of trip spent with friends in Denver - stayed with Katie, brunch with Dave, baseball game with Scotty.

May 8-11
Spent the weekend in NYC with Cody Willard. Adventures around his neighborhood - ice cream in our pj's, italian food with a t-shirt from the owner, failed attempt at finding wellies in the middle of a downpour, adventures in the forest with Lobo, picnic with friends and conversations that continue to replay in my mind.

June 12
Luke and Stooks, good friend from college and new one, graduated from PJ school in ABQ. What an accomplishment. Prayer for their lives over the next few years.

June 19-22
Chi-town for baseball, beers and fun with the hometown boys.

June25-27
Couchsurf in old psych ward of hospital in Reading, PA with a med student. New psych ward is a floor below so you still get the affect with the late night screams. Charming. Actually a really great time and the point of the trip was to interview with a company based there for a job in NM. Highlight was obviously not the interview, but my new friend Tim was great - had good local beer and good debriefing convo post-interviews.

July 10-13
Las Vegas with hometown peeps. Our annual adventure together ended up with 18 total now that people are gettin hitched. Not that Vegas has made the list of top destinations, but it was a great venue for our reunion. Saw Cirque's Love show... incredible. Laughed till I should have peed my pants, but thankfully did not.

August 7
Heidi had little baby Joely in her home - what a trooper!

August 8-9
Was in ABQ at a wedding and decided to ditch the reception for an adventure with Nik. Spent less than 24 hrs with some brit friends at a bbq with a really horrible hypnotist and out on the town for a good time.

Today
I have applied for at least 12 jobs, been turned down for 3, hopeful about a few and who knows about the rest. I am thinking positive thoughts though.

Floodgates opened

So I'm not sure if you've seen on the news, but my homeland had a record-setting flood from the aftermath of Hurricane Dolly. Our little rive that is usually 5-10 feet wide swelled to 100ft in some parts!

One of the bridges that busted through.




A trailer park that got completely flooded and carried away a car or two. The normal river is the part on the bottom left, but usually only a foot or two deep at best.

Chi-town '08

Amidst the weekly banter emails sent throughout a group of friends from high school, a few of us got together in Chicago last weekend. Sean originally planned to visit Sol for the Cubs v. Sox game, but then there was a pizza festival (which of course we forgot about completely) and something else and something else that made it imperative for the troops to rally. The entire troop did not rally, but Jesse and I did. We made it to Chicago for a weekend of amazing sporting events, both live and Euros on TV, amazing food and the fun that is everpresent with the hometown crew. I admit, I am usually not the leader of fun, but I did put the party hat on instead of the mom one. I lost my camera cord so I for now I just have pics from the first night (sorry meg, more to come I promise) and Sean hadn't arrived yet.

Jesse and I



I'm sure Adam was saying something very humorous


A few of my favorite boys.

romantic comedy...

I'm one of them, one of those girls that looks through all the new releases and consistently lands on any remake of every romance novel since time began, but i love it. Within this stereotype I find hope, however unrealistic it may appear I still hope I'm not talking about the real longshots, come on - Sleepless in Seattle, Love Actually, the list goes on. But somewhere in there I think most of us see the potential for which we've been made to embrace - companionship and spark, hella long marriages that we rarely see today, love that unites and we imagine lives on till the end of time. Yes, I'm a believer. It may not happen for me in the next decade but I can't settle for anything less than what we're made for.

This salty older woman told my sister she liked me because I was "full of spit and vinegar". I smiled, because as a little girl I always hid - behind my parents, my siblings, my friends. Until my dad died, and I've sometimes thought of my spit-and-vinegar-ness as an outworking of bitterness toward my dad, but from her it was a compliment.

I still like the sappy romantic comedies though.

PJ's

Not pajamas, but Pararescue Jumpers. Three of my dear friends have been in the training program to become PJ's. Two of these boys, Luke and Wilson, graduated this past weekend here in Albuquerque. I am so proud of them - I can't imagine the intensity of the training they've been through these last two years or even more the upcoming years of duty. I got to meet Luke and Nik for lunch today as it was Luke's last day in the Land of Enchantment. Nik graduates in September so I get to keep him around a few more months.

R*E*S*P*E*C*T

I've been going to church with some friends in ABQ when I'm in town (which happens to be enough that I could have been paying rent there instead of gas to and from Ruidoso). The pastor recently started a series he's calling Eros, going through the Song of Solomon. During the first session on Understanding Attraction the pastor talked about... Attraction, duh. No, the part that really made me think was how attractive it is for a guy to be respected. The pastor told a story of a time he and his wife were with a bunch of other pastors and the expected lame bible jokes ensued. The time came, when things were at a lull, for him to pitch in his own cheesy joke and as one might guess, it wasn't really funny but his wife just laughed and laughed. She genuinely thought he was funny and he said that affirmation from her in the middle of all these guys was so sexy.

How many times have I had the opportunity to affirm a man and instead of doing so I've thrown his ego under the bus? I remember a time when I was driving the family wagon of a guy I dated through a big city. He wanted to stop at some store and since he was being an ass to his brother I said I wouldn't take him. In front of his brother and father I did this. Yes, he was being a jerk which wasn't ok, but to disrespect him in front of the men in his life was not the best way to handle the situation. I also think of my brothers and times I've lacked respect for them. The kind of respect he was talking about wasn't based on something someone had done or would do in the future, it was a representation of your love for him. It was important to hear the magnitude of respect to a man from a man.

northern new mexico

This weekend I made the trek north. Arthur and Kristi brought ben and parker to ruidoso thursday through sunday and I took off Saturday afternoon to help liz move into her new apartment in Santa Fe. I stopped in ABQ to see Ashlee Hendrix and her new little man Avery - so adorable!

Sunday morning I joined Nik, Luke and Wilson for church at City on a Hill. This church actually made me think about moving to abq. We had a wonderful lunch on the patio of Gecko's in Nob Hill and as usual, the boys were entertaining and provoked many thoughts for my drive north to Santa Fe that afternoon. I met up with Liz, Hannah, Nate and Ruby for the moving fiesta but I had missed the bulk of it. I organized a bathroom and joined the girls for a celebration of every time Ruby stood up - We clapped and cheered for her and she LOVED the attention - cutie patootie, that little Ruby is! We made a seriously delicious dinner of sauteed shrimp, scallops and calamari tossed with spinach, grape tomatoes and crimini mushroms, topped with herbed feta! Yum!

Yesterday I visited Martha and Bradley in Taos for a few hours which was fun. Martha is doing an internship with the earth ship peeps in Taos which sounds really interesting. I came back in time for a killer softball game Marlo's bf Sam played in. Marlo, Liz, this fun girl Jessie and I were the most obnoxious fans ever. The boys went through the whole batting lineup almost twice before finally getting their first three outs - obviously due to the 4 cheerleaders chanting from the stands.

I would like to live in Santa Fe, or visit this place more frequently. Peace Corps sounds great right now but I need to pay off my Perkins loan and CC before I can feasibly take off on any extended adventures. There is a life-coaching job here in Santa Fe. hmmm.

NYC

I spent this past weekend with my friend, Cody Willard. He lives in the center of the universe - or at least thats what some people call New York City. I'm not a very good tourist. I like to pretend I'm a local when I'm clearly not, but at the heart of my travels I think I just want to see life through the other person's eyes. Cody showed me HIS New York this weekend and I liked it more than I thought I would. I value Cody's eyes and his perseverance most of all. He sees things I have not and has pushed himself through numerous obstacles, personally and professionally, in order to keep moving with confidence and increased clarity. I admire his passion and it refreshed me to know that all the hard work and dedication really can help you reach your dreams. I need to find a dream. I have been fortunate to be in the presence of great thinkers and doers this past month or two. Cody is among those. He asks good questions and challenges my answers. I appreciate people who push back.

On a lighter note - we ate GOOD food!

Thursday night was asian - cool little warehouse-style restaurant with weathered furniture and hip staff. The lychee mojito was a hit in my book, as was the duck salad and something I couldn't pronounce. Conversation was tops, as expected.

Friday was a day of rain and finding my bearings. Cody has a TV show on Fox's business network (similar to CNBC) and it airs from the Waldorf Astoria's bar, Bull and Bear, during Happy Hour. He hosts a variety of guests in relation to finance and economics (my rough understanding of the showbiz thing) and at the end of the show they usually have a fun guest. Friday's "fun guests" were the Harlem Globetrotters - very fun in my book, and I made a short appearance as well! I got to chat with Curly before we went on air and I'm pretty sure I made quite the impression. Cody wowed the bar with his mad bball skills while maintaining composure and not missing his ques. Good-game high five to you my friend:) Afterward we went to the greatest Italian place ever - we decided it was in the 9/10 range based on several variables:
1. Lisa, whom we had seen outside Emack and Bolio's the night before, has had the restaurant in her family for the past 51 years! She had a crush on us and gave us t-shirts (will post a pic later).
2. They have a bathtub in the toilet. Apparently they can keep it there without needing to adjust it for code as long as they keep everything as it was originally. But really, a bathtub in a restaurant that only has one toilet?
3. The staff was amazing and recommended delicious food and wine - superb food, really.

Saturday was full. We went to Cold Spring for a picnicish afternoon with Cody's friend James' fam and friends. They have a great piece of land with an amazing house and garden. They were all wonderful, hard-working and joyful people. Cody's dog Lobo joined us on the outing and seemed to love the freedom of grass and roaming around (living in SoHo doesn't afford much grass, as you could assume).
We then went to visit my Great Aunt Margaret, on my mom's side, whom I had never met in person. She lives in the house my grandmother and she grew up in, along with my Great Aunt Caroline. Though Avenue T was a bit hard to find (it does exist:) we managed to meet my Aunt and spend some time with her before it got too late. Her energy was heightened because of our visit I think, which was a blessing for Cody and I as much as for her.

After that we went to Balthazar, this oyster bar by his office. Yummy oysters and fish. We sat next to this Italian couple - man in windsuit and paying with $100 bills... hmmm. No questions, but nice neighbors at dinner.

Cody and I outside Balthazar


At the crossroads near his casa.

Sunday was a nice day to leisurely walk through SoHo with Lobo and look around. I was in a funk and not the best company, but we (Cody and Lobo mainly) managed well and then I was off to homeland.

back in the saddle again

the title of this post is such for 2 reasons:
1. I haven't been posting as regularly, or in chronological order (ie this post is from a month ago), in a while and am back
2. The following post is about my adventure to Wyoming and Denver to visit my dear friend Hannah!

A month or so ago I finally made it to Chugwater, Wyoming, home of the Kirkbride/Westerman clan and my dear friend hannah, in particular. Hannah has been a model friend this year in what some may call a "ministry of presence." She is a joy to share space with and she's made a tremendous effort to meet people where they're at, literally. We have friends all over the world and Hannah has visited most or all of them within the past two years. She visited Michael in Italy, Jason and Sarah in the West Bank, met up with me in Germany, Mandy in China, her sister in India as well as the Faroe Islands and the list goes on. During her time in the states she has also made the rounds to all her North American amigos - Laura & Jacob in California, Carli in Charlottesville, aunts uncles and brothers in South Dakota, Wisconsin, Chicago, DC, etc., the whole JBU/SCLE crew in northwest arkansas and again, the list goes on. This is why I say that I FINALLY made it to Wyoming because my dear friend Hannah makes it such a priority there is no way I could let her leave the country (she took a job in Sudan) before making it to her homeland.

While in Chugwater we chaperoned a high school lock-in, discussed life, hiked three peaks around her families ranch and simply shared space for a week or so.

Her family is incredible. While we were at her Aunt Lindi's one night I told her how neat it was to see the devotion and discipline of her ranching family spill over into other areas of their lives. They drive an hour north and south to recycle as much as they can. The pursuit of truth and excellence is visible in their professional lives as well as personally, as seen in their conversations, relationships and family standards. Spending time with them challenged me to approach life from a different perspective and higher my standards. I like the Kirkbride/Westerman clan.