Last night we celebrated. The 25th was my 1/2 bday and today is my dads 54th bday. I made him dinner - Chicken wrapped around thyme with prosciutto wrapped around it, lightly breaded and cooked in a white wine/tomato sauce. Creme brulee with a nice flame to symbolize a little candle action. We listened to a mix of van morrison, billy joel, stevie wonder, martin sexton, jose gonzalez, amos lee and some other new stuff. He told me about work and how he may retire soon. He stopped to see the girls and soak in the hot springs on the way up to Denver and seemed excited about spending more time with all of us after he was done working. He's a good worker so I doubt he'll be an idle retiree. He asked about my training plan for the triathlon, gave me some tips and we looked up some short runs we could meet up for this summer. I told him about my job at the school and asked him what he thought since he's been in the education world for the last 20-something years. It was good to just relax and celebrate life together.
Sometimes I look at men in their 50's and I wonder what my dad would have been like now. Would last night have really gone like I imagined? Would he be the type of dad to make road trips to see all his kids? Would we talk about important things? Would I be sheepish about my faults still because he was such a perfectionist?
I know this may seem a bit odd, but in moments when I miss my dad I sometimes pretend we live life together, like birthday dinner hang outs. He wasn't around for the ipod era or even for me learning to cook. He only dreamt about me going to college and who knows if he thought of what I'd be doing at 25 1/2. Its therapeutic for me to occasionally trace life over the past 14 years in light of how my dad would have impacted each season. I wouldn't be me without these 14 years... I walk the ridge-pole of appreciating the opportunities to learn and grow in response to all that comes with a single-parent family, other dads that filled in, etc. while on the other side I wonder what would be different - would life be less rich minus that hardship, would dad have stayed involved in our lives...? God is good and these are questions with no answers (and no need for answers really).
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3 comments:
Hi friend,
I learned the 'invite your loved one to pretend tea/lunch/dinner/dance party' from you. It makes us not seem so far apart, so I think it's a good tool to use for our parents in abstentia, too.
This was a really sweet post.
It's still good to ask the questions. Thanks for writing this, Leah.
I think your dad would be so honored by your dreams of him, and how you might do life together now. Love you.
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