if you do what you've always done you'll get what you've always gotten

trying a different approach...

boys. man its been a struggle to maintain optimism in a world of heartache and brokenness. God is good and has a plan of redemption for each person He crafted. I shouldn't be shocked when a student has the same last name as his/her parent and sibling(s). I fail. I have treated myself with little respect in the same moment i speak of a hope to be treated better by another person. hard work ahead... discipline, for the hope of something more.

I tried something different and whether a date comes from it or just one day of practicing more respect for myself I think I'll tack it up as a small victory. AND I'm starting a book club with some girl friends. It's easy for conversations with girlfriends to simply settle on the topic of the opposite sex so I'm initiating a book club to encourage each other in other ways - learn new perspectives about each other, read something interesting and nurture more aspects of women than our marryability (just made that up).

Trying new things... with relationships in general.

A wise woman (wendy s.) once told me that there are three things in life - things you can change, things you can influence and things you can do nothing about. Most of our emotional energy is spent on the things we can do nothing about.

I am working on not absorbing. Play tennis v. basketball. Redemption of self rather than my attempt to save the world (i realize God doesn't need my direction as much as I think sometimes). I think this is more useful as well.

Trying something different... with my friend Jesus.

I looked back through pictures during my most "centered" time I can pinpoint. I was doing the pre-major-break-up-life-questioning thing, senior in college, heart aching in a way that God was my life source and therefore pray without ceasing was realistic. My mentor was also my yoga instructor and her husband my boss and they, together, led me through critical moments marked by confidence in Jesus' redemption and providence.

today. i am practicing turning the music/radio off on my way to work and talk to God. I'm working on conversation. I'm going to church. I'm faced with my own inadequacy to conquer current struggles. Again, this is where faith is necessary and I am reaching, reaching and making myself reach for fear of what might come about if I continue to depend on my own strength. I called a few good girl friends and cried, prayed and felt relief for the first time in a while. God is good. He is in the work of redemption... of my heart, lives, and this beautiful place.

you need to watch me

One of our teachers is out so i'm subbing first grade today. One of the little girls, as she's walking into the room, says "Ms. Miller, you need to watch me real close because I might need to go home again today. I've been sick." Thank you for letting me know.

Last night Meg G. and I cleaned out the last of our apartment. I jokingly said it was the end of an era... but it's been a significant year in that little apartment. I went to bed too late after hanging out with my 4 roommates in our big house, laughing at each other (micah sneezed with such enthusiasm I thought he had chopped a finger off. Sarah was beaming with energy none of us knew what to do with. Brandon was stoked on his new baby... a big TV we initiated by watching The Hangover. And, Meg K laughed as Micah freaked and I dished about time with an interesting boy.)

I like the start of year 2. You need to watch me real close because I might... do great things... ask questions without answers... laugh till my cheeks hurt... celebrate friends... cook something delicious... cry over something I'll laugh at later...

I'll watch you real close because you might ____________?

new pic. new year.

cam commented on the new pic - the open road. This was taken on a drive with my mom through northern NM this summer. And, this is year 2 in Denver. Thoughts on this to come in a long self-disclosing post soon.

x L

fall

when it snowed last week someone said, "oh its fall now"

or when we wondered whether we were idiots to not turn on the heat when we were bundled in slocks and slippers galore.

or when i wore a scarf for warmth instead of an accessory.

But today, the autumn I l.o.v.e came. Yesterday Micah (one of my 4 new roomies) and I walked out the door in our somewhat normal carpool schedule and he was exclaiming that the day was wonderful and all because our view of the pond was so nice and blah blah blah. I was growling for lack of sleep, swollen throat and bad attitude bc I had to sub. Yes, admittedly different attitudes. So, back to today. It was different. 1. I gave myself more than 5 minutes to get dressed. 2. I walked out of the house in a skirt (with a scarf, just in case) and smelled the fallen leaves, watched some of them blow across the sidewalk. 3. I smiled as I looked to my right at a gorgeously golden tree, boldly proclaiming fall.

This is when fall begins for me... the leaves changing. warmth lingering with a cool breeze. sun shining, still kissing our cheeks but only enough to warm your soul and lightly toast my skin. I smiled. I then texted Micah to get out of bed and soak in our front porch view bc it was perfect today and I've been giddy ever since.

i should post a picture of this day. my camera is in pieces in a box on my bed. i'll make it happen though. you need to see this.

awesome amigos

I have great friends! The school playground has been likened to a prison yard until a week ago when several wonderful friends of mine joined in for a paint-party. Here are some pics of the first week of school, kids excited about the new look!

happy thought.

The farmhouse.. or at least one view. I'll post a panoramic pic later, but isn't it lovely?!

Frustrating moment this morning. As trivial as it may be in a few hours, currently I am trying to think happy thoughts because after all it only takes one to make you fly, right?

We drove all morning on not much sleep. I was smooshed back in “my hole” behind Pottsy’s seat and his outstretched 6’3” body. We drove to somewhere near Bournemouth, playing guessing games with pop music and enjoying the strange glances of folks wondering why we had a pew strapped on the truck also pulling a caravan. Jon loved the attention.

One long ferry ride later (it was less like a cruise and more similar to a greyhound or train) we landed in Cherbourg and set off for Dinan. We arrived the Wednesday before the summer solstice so the day was barely ripening at 5pm. A bit groggy still, the boys got the caravan (translation: camper van) level (during the night we realized they’re not good at leveling) and I went after the weeds. Apparently Jon hadn’t been to his farmhouse in quite a long time. We had a few days to prepare the land and house for a dozen of our friends from Rickmansworth to join us on their holiday.

After a couple hours we moved on to burning Laurel trees. Jon had hired someone to cut the branches, but with the guidance of a neighbor he ended up leveling all of jon’s trees! They had also fallen on said neighbor’s farmland and blocked the tractor path so we jumped on it. After hauling and burning till our bodies were scraped and hands raw, we sat down around 11 that night for a steak dinner, grilled nicely on the propane stove in the caravan. My legs were scraped up but I finally felt like I’d given back to Jon after he’s been so generous, both this trip and when I was renting a room from him in England. We took deep breaths and soaked in the sunset… a warm summer night at a farmhouse in France after a long day’s work. My entire body smiled at this moment.

Three tired amigos

we decided to hit the town...

my dear friend jon

quote for thought

Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.

Calvin Coolidge, President of The United States.


thoughts on this quote? I just started my job. My legs have been achy due to lack of movement as I have returned to a desk (though i won't be in it ALL the time don't worry) after a few weeks of adventuring around and working at the restaurant. My mind is pulled several directions and the humming question of how to set myself up for success is imminent. I saw this quote yesterday and have been wondering on it. Tell me your thoughts.

ps I'll write and post pics from the amazing time in england and france in the near future:)