small wonders

As some of you know, I have been substitute teaching at a couple schools here in Denver. There have been a few moments that made dealing with 25-30 3rd grade boys bearable so I thought I'd share a few stories. Also, Jenae has been having a rough go and requested funny stories. Hope this helps.

First day with k-5 teaching Spanish as a second language:

Mr. Boobies
So the little 1st graders are squirming around and whispering while I'm discussing honey and telling a story about bees. I continue until Chris pesters me enough.
"Chris, is there something you want to tell the class?"
"Yes, Miss Miller. Josh is calling you mean names."
"Its ok, lets focus on the story."
"But Miss M, he's calling you Mr. BOOOOOBIES!"

I was born in "DEeeeNVER"
There are kids from all over the world in this class. One little girl has a name similar to a friend of mine from Brazil so I ask her where she's from.

"Africa."
"Oh, thats really neat. Where in Africa?"
"Ivory Coast"
"Wow, thats far away"

... or pretty or something and I ask her a couple more questions and told her how cool that was (seriously, that is awesome. Little Ivory Coast girl in Aurora.). The little girl sitting next to her is obviously envious of all the attention little ms. Africa is getting so she raises her hand like she's about to pee her pants and I respond,

"Yes, Olivia?"
"Ummmm, I was born in a uhhhh, big building (as she outlines the buildings with her hands) in uhhhh DENVER, do you know where that is? It was really cool too. My mommy held me in the hospital. First I was in her belly when we got there and then she heeeeld me!"
While trying to appreciate her genuine desire for attention, I hid my smile and told her, "Awesome! That is so special, huh? Wow, I love it when my mommy holds me."

6th Graders:
Can I ask you a few questions?
One girl, with a bizarre name and apparently some mad ski skills, asks,

"Leah, can I ask you a few questions that are unrelated to the Math we are working on?"
"Yes, thats fine Fredertha"
"Are you married?"
"No."
"Do you have a boyfriend?"
"No."
"Do you want one?"
"Ummm I'm okay with not having either right now." (My usual "I'm just looking for a job" response doesn't really cut it with 6th graders)
"Do you have a pet?"
"No."
"Ooooh, do you live in a house or an apartment?"
"Apartment."
Other kid interrupts with, "Seriously, Fredertha, why do you ask people such personal questions. That makes people uncomfortable."
"She didn't have to answer the questions, ok."

OK. I could go on. Pencils pretending to be "weewees" and little boys bawling their eyes out because someone tattles that he has a crush on me. I almost pulled my hair out several times and then those little guys do something great like have a Star Wars sound effects contest (which I'm pretty sure I won... thank you. thank you.). Good times with the kiddos.